Taste Again for the First Time Ceral
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Information technology's 4pm, Thursday afternoon. I'm hunched over the 13th (!) bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I've had in four days. My brain feels as soggy and limp every bit the little squares soaking in the milk beneath me, and on a scale of one to GERRREEEEAAAAAAAAAAT, my stomach is a solid "Y'all're on your ain, dude." This is life on the Cereal Cleanse.
Last calendar week, in response to the semi-recent and suspect-at-best "millennials-hate-cereal" coverage, I embarked on a regimented, cereal-sectional diet for seven days. That'due south 21 breezy meals of but my favorite Well-Balanced Breakfast™ in a basin. My goal was to bring awareness to millennial awareness of cereal, and also, I merely wanted to see what would happen. Guys, I went total coo-coo.
Day 1, Monday: I'grand living a blest life
I'yard belatedly for work, then I begin my first cereal-only day on the subway with Froot Loops (as dramatically recreated higher up). Normally, I consume approximately ii,000 calories a day. To continue my nutrition stabilized, I want to match that number as best I can. This means I need to eat about 13-xv measured standard serving sizes of cereal with a half-cup of skim milk each and every 24-hour interval. I likewise program to add in fruit to one meal a day. Yous know, then I don't die.
I feel fine. For lunch, I throw caution to the wind and eat two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I'yard living a blessed life. For dinner, I accept more Cinnamon Toast Crisis (CTC from here on out). I've had nine bowls of CTC today, fell well under my boilerplate daily calorie count (I'm hitting about ane,400), and feel satisfied. This is smashing. I go running, like I normally do on Mondays, and caput to bed smiling with a spoon in my hand and milk in my spoon. I'll have to wash my sheets tomorrow. I'm pleased with what life and cereal are giving me. Which reminds me I need to pick upwardly some Life cereal at some bespeak. It's a archetype.
Day 2, Tuesday: I still feel pretty good!
I feel a fiddling sluggish in the morning, only my free energy's quickly rejuvenated when I crack open up a fresh box of Lucky Charms for breakfast. I have two bowls, and hum on pure, loftier-fructose Irish luck until lunchtime, when I toss dorsum one basin of Special K with some assistant slices. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good, and I think this is a damn fine idea. Though licensed dietitian Jennifer Christman disagrees.
"A lot of mass-produced cereals are fortified with many of the vitamins and minerals you need," she tells me, "but there's no way you can go everything you need without a well-balanced diet." She says this very gently, later on politely laughing at me. Though, with my current intake, I get about 80-120g of poly peptide in my skim milk, which is right where I need to be. Also, my calcium intake is a-booming. My bones have never felt girthier.
Tonight I eat a bowl of Kix. A actually weird, sweet gustation overwhelms my oral fissure every bit I settle into sleep. Role of me thinks it'southward just my new toothpaste, another thinks it might be foreshadowing. That like, peradventure this cereal affair was a bad thought. In the middle of the night, I take hold of a handful of CTC on my way back from the bath. It's even so skilful. My fears are assuaged. For at least one more day.
24-hour interval 3, Wed: I require fruits and vegetables
I swallow my morn meal with two millennial co-workers who were inspired to take up the spoon with me in solidarity. The support feels good. But, I find myself suddenly repulsed by CTC, succulent every bit it is, because I've eaten like, 2lb of it in the past 48 hours. I eat Frosted Flakes instead, and so Special M with fruit again for dejeuner, and an extra basin of Raisin Bran, to proceed me regular. Cereal has kind of lost its gustation for me, though. I'm actively peckish fruits and vegetables. I tell Christman my symptoms. "Here, you are probably experiencing nutrient fatigue -- your body is trying to intuitively tell you what it'south defective, what information technology needs," she says.
The time I spend eating has drastically reduced, equally cereal is a quick repast. I am more productive. For dinner, I eat Cap'n Crunch with soy milk, which obviously, was Prince'southward favorite combination. I do this while listening to Royal Rain. RIP to a fellow cereal connoisseur. I welcome the soy milk, as I feel sick from the amount of dairy I've consumed. I have trouble running, and go home early. I weigh myself before I get to bed -- I've lost 2lb. My mouth is torn upwardly from repeated Cap'northward Crunch lashings. I swear the cereal off, as my immune system is lowered, and I cannot take the risk.
Day 4, Thursday: Focusing is a thing of the past
It is the halfway point of my oat-filled hero's journey and I take hit a wall. Weird things are happening. I'yard having a hell of a fourth dimension focusing. I discover myself standing up and walking around. I talk to people I don't normally talk to, and my words are senseless. I force myself to consume plain Rice Krispies. I do then without milk. The sheer amount of milk I am ingesting is making me feel nauseated, equally I unremarkably only consume dairy in my coffee. I feel like Manny Pacquiao is using my gallbladder every bit a speed bag.
Technically, oatmeal is called hot cereal. I've never heard anyone actually call it hot cereal, but somehow I know that someone out there calls it hot cereal. I am in too much hurting to have this debate right now, though. I'one thousand certain if I don't switch things up my insides might shrivel like the Grinch's heart before he loved Christmas. For lunch, I have instant oatmeal with apples and bananas placed in information technology, similar footling nutritious land mines in a field of ready-fabricated, steamy garbage. For dinner, I force myself to consume Smacks.
"You lot are probably experiencing brain fog," Christman says. "Your blood saccharide is spiking then dropping, yous aren't getting the nutrients you need." I'grand beginning to recollect: is all this cereal too much of a adept thing? Have I, similar Icarus, flown too close to the sun, only to see my wings burnt off in a horrible blaze of Franken Berries? Am I literally going insane right now?
Day 5, Friday: My outlook is dour
I cannot behave to drink any more milk, so I swallow my Frosted Flakes breakfast serving raw dog, no liquid. I've lost my lucky spoon. It'due south incommunicable to get piece of work washed, and I experience slightly intoxicated. I require weird and random foods and flavors. I find myself wanting to gustation ketchup. I smell a phantom plate of celery. My peckish for meat has reached peak levels and as I walk through the meat-filled speciality market Dean & Deluca in Manhattan to go coffee, my mouth waters so much a guy must follow me around with a mop.
Today, I rely on the charity of co-workers, as several of them encounter with me in cereal solidarity at the first (perhaps bi-annual?) Thrillist Cereal Lunch to bear witness that cereal is very much still alive in the hearts of the immature. I have Rice Krispies with friends, then do my best not to pass out until the finish of the day. For dinner I put homemade granola -- made by my colleague Elaheh -- in milk with some bananas considering I worry I'm going to get gout or scurvy or maybe both. It counts as cereal, OK?
Day vi, Saturday: I never thought it would get this bad
I wake up and don't practise much for a while. I feel OK, actually. I practise errands and then get running. My legs experience equally if they are submerged in a basin of soggy Wheaties -- and I don't get far. After, I eat a bowl of Special Thousand. I eat some beerios (cereal -- in this case, Rice Krispies -- with beer every bit milk) to pregame for the dark. I practise not savour this.
I drank alcohol just once during the week, and felt its effects fast because I'm eating way less than I commonly eat. I go out to the bars this detail Sabbatum and feel like myself, maybe, even, a piffling more mannerly than usual (probably riding the dizzying peak of saccharide high). I try to potable a beer, but experience weak immediately, and want to go domicile. When I get home, I eat a serving size each of Reese'south Puffs, Cocoa Puffs, Pops, Waffle Crisp, and Rice Krispie Treats cereal in a big ol' Frankenstein combo bowl. A supercut of 'existent might reinvigorate my quest and push me through the terminate line in trademark fashion, like Jordan winking at the Philadelphia bench.
I autumn asleep quickly later, clutching my breadbasket and cursing the twenty-four hour period I decided to go spoon-deep in the surprisingly night globe of supermarket oats and grains. I cry a little, to exist honest. I manage to put upwardly just over 2,000 cals today. A new record high... going out with a bang.
Day 7, Sunday: My encephalon may never be the same
I wake up. Consume two bowls of dry Waff. I think hither, at the stop of all things, I might have found some peace in my journey. Some zen among the hordes of rice crisps and carbohydrate balls and fake marshmallows. Ultimately, I think I proved my point, though, now I kind of forget what that betoken was, or if I even had a point. I requite myself a last counterbalance-in -- I've lost 5lb in ane week, merely the mental price this cleanse has taken surprises me the near. I am slower, more than air-headed, and less able to focus. I feel like Charlie from Flowers for Algernon, and like him, I hope they let me go along my job when this is all done.
To terminate off the Cereal Cleanse, I hit Momofuku Milk Bar for cereal water ice cream. As I eat it, I reflect dorsum on the 81 (yes, 81) bowls of cereal I consumed over the last week. I ended up averaging approximately 1,735 calories of cereal a twenty-four hour period. I had saccharide-blasted highs, and soggy-lesser lows, merely i thing is for certain: I'll probably never eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch once again. All neat things, fifty-fifty cereal, should exist enjoyed in moderation.
"I wouldn't recommend this cleanse, or diet," Christman says. "It's non very healthy. Cereal has a place in our diet, but perchance i bowl a day. And a healthier option than nigh of the kinds y'all've been eating."
I can just hope I don't feel similar this for the rest of my life.
"If y'all don't become ameliorate in a few days, contact a medical professional."
Volition practice.
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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He actually merely ate cereal again. Follow him: @wilfulton.
Source: https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/i-ate-nothing-but-cereal-for-a-week-heres-what-happened
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